Identifying the roots was the focal point of the last release of finding her (Click here to read). As previously mentioned, identifying the roots is paramount in the healing process in stepping out of bondage and walking into the freedom in which God has set forth before you. As daughters of the Most High God, He has set a path, tools, and resources for us to break free from those things that have held us back in captivity and thrive in the purpose for which He has called us! In part of identifying the roots, another step in the healing process is recognizing who planted them. This was actually a recommended tip in the previous finding her iteration: Think back to past relationships, situations, and life experiences, from childhood to now, and analyze how they made you feel. While recognizing "the who" might not be a pleasant task as it could bring forth fear, anger, or tormented thoughts - especially considering the level of damage and act committed. This step can be beneficial. You might be thinking, “why would I want to give that person any thought.” Nevertheless, I encourage you to remember that this is an intentional effort in your healing process; it is about you and not them. It might take work, but it can also be the beginning of what will prayerfully become a full release. Here are a few benefits to recognizing who planted the root:
Knowing who planted the root can help put certain things in your life today, into perspective. The who, the intensity of the wound, and how deep the root was planted, could undoubtedly have a considerable effect on how you show up in this very moment. When triggered, the emotions might sting a little harder and carry a deeper impact due to the relational connection with that person and the role they played in your life. For instance, a dysfunction family's root has the potential to be more detrimental than teasing from peers as adolescents. Example: A woman who was or witnessed abuse by a family member might struggle with vulnerability and trust. Moreover, when she has a family of her own, she becomes obsessively overprotective due to what she experienced and the who.
Some roots may be more challenging due to the nature of who planted them. Once that is realized, it can help put things into perspective and understanding during the healing process.
Additionally, recognizing the who might help put current and future relationships into their proper place, which could include healthy boundaries. It can also alleviate the potential of knowingly and unknowingly, blaming someone for brokenness they actually played no part in causing. A person can be left to pick up the pieces or get blamed for unaddressed, lingering hurt when the hurtee isn't aware of the root and/or the who.
Targets the problem
Acknowledging the who can also help target specific and necessary areas of healing and dealing, especially during therapy. People often aim to fix the symptoms and not the sole problem. Unfortunately, a root can develop branches - of dysfunction – over time, and the cycle can continue. However, when we identify the root, recognize the who, and tackle the problem, we could be one step closer to treating or eliminating the symptoms altogether. Getting to the sources and stopping the growth of perpetuating branches. A branch needs a source for nourishment. In this scenario, branches can be additional issues that have grown from the root, such as negative self-talk/thoughts, depression, fear, etc. Or people that too have been directly affected by the same root (i.e., a sibling).
Knowing who planted the root also aids in the forgiveness process. Forgiveness is an area that again can ruffle feathers because you may think a person is unworthy. What if I told you forgiveness is for your benefit, not theirs. Forgiveness can be perceived as an admission that what was said or done was warranted, or an open door to do it again, but that is not the case. Forgiveness does not equate to acceptance, and forgiveness does not require reconciliation. Forgiving others is a heart posture and in the will of God for your life. God will give you the capacity and will walk alongside you in the forgiveness process. Besides, God wants you to forgive others as a part of your healing process (Ephesians 4:32). Unforgiveness can lead to bitterness and can interrupt growth in several areas of your life. Furthermore, letting go of past hurt and anger has been shown to increase quality and enjoyment in life: Research at Stanford University found that people who forgave others evidenced a 24 percent increase in productivity and a 23 percent decrease in symptoms of stress. (see ref. below)
Though forgiveness does not require reconciliation, some acts of forgiveness may lead to reconciliation over time.
Exposes the Lie & Shines light on God’s truth
What if once you identify the root and the culprit, God begins to show you the tricks and the lies of the devil. The enemy is so conniving and will try anything. This is a great place to pause and insert God’s promises: God created you in His own image (Genesis 1:26-27). You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalms 139:14). He formed and knew you before you were even born, and He uniquely created you for a purpose (Jeremiah 1:5), and God is not a man, that He shall lie (Numbers 23:19). With that said, I pray God will begin to expose the lies that were planted, so He can then begin to do a new thing in your life. AMEN!
The things that have happened in your life, though traumatizing, they do not define you, sis. I pray God will reveal the truth, His Truth over your life, and wash you afresh with His glory so you can see past the tainted image of yourself as a result of words and actions of others. And clearly see the you that He has created you to be!
Disclaimer: I am not a professional counselor. If you need recommendations for finding a professional therapist or any additional resources, I would be glad to assist you.
Until the next iteration of Finding Her…Be blessed. Love you!
Clinton, T., & Langberg, D. (2011). The Quick-Reference Guide to Counseling Women. Grand
Rapids, MI: Baker Books